My gmail SPAM filter sends all spam to my Trash folder. This spam includes notifications from a dating site I’d joined years ago but had since forgotten about. Thought I’d share some pick-up lines that were obviously selected from a list for your evening’s entertainment.
“Why aren’t you in jail? It’s illegal to look that good.” RESPONSE: I brought bail money. Enjoy your stay, though! DELETE/BLOCK
“Is your dad an astronaut? Because someone took the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.” RESPONSE: No, those are floaters. They’ve worsened with age. DELETE/BLOCK.
“Do you trust your gut instinct?” RESPONSE: Not usually, but I’ll err on the side of caution and DELETE/BLOCK you.
“Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.” RESPONSE: All roads lead to Hell; you might want to make a u-turn. DELETE/BLOCK.
“I’m not a photographer, but I can picture us together.” RESPONSE: I was absent that day. DELETE/BLOCK
Experiencing nausea, yet? No? Read on…
“Remember me? Oh, that’s right; I’ve only met you in my dreams.” RESPONSE: That was a nightmare. You obviously can’t discern fantasy from reality. DELETE/BLOCK.
“Hello, I’m a thief, and I’m here to steal your heart.” RESPONSE: I don’t have a heart. DELETE/BLOCK.
“You must have lasers in your eyes because you’ve stunned me.” RESPONSE: No, that was Superman’s heat vision. I bring him everywhere with me. DELETE/BLOCK.
“I’d love to survive a zombie apocalypse with you.” RESPONSE: Awesome! I can feed you to the zombies while I make my getaway. DELETE/BLOCK.
Reneé has been happily divorced since 2000 and is devoted to making the most of parenthood, even though she secretly likes the zombie apocalypse line.
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