Remaining friends with an ex is unusual for me. For those who are new to RoadMom, WHN (what’s his name, aka, the ex-hub) and I speak only when necessary. I suggest reading my posts, “Healing Power of a Tequila Fantasy” or “Divorce Tag: It’s WHN’s turn“.
As for No Flaws? We met in high school, dated on two separate occasions after we both graduated, and then once, for 8 months, 4 years ago. He’s the only ex-boyfriend with whom I have an ongoing, easy friendship. No Flaws is usually the one to call or text, which isn’t often but often enough to catch up with each other. So, when he phoned last week after a 3-month hiatus, it was nice to talk about our respective adult children, business, and other topics of the day. As the conversation meandered over to our kids’ dating habits, No Flaws began railing about the types of people his youngest child dates.
I don’t know how my [youngest child] can stand what [name] [insert what No Flaws deems offensive] .
We all have pet peeves or those things that others say or do that bug us. If you smack or pop your chewing gum, I actively fight the urge to tackle you to the ground and yank the gum out of your mouth. Instead, I get the hell away from you until you stop. I never have enough bail money with me, and I like my life.
We all have the right to decide not to date someone for whatever reason. I ended the dating relationship with No Flaws because we were two very different people who wanted different things from a relationship. He wanted a maid and house sitter; I needed a man who wanted sex more often and was home after work every night.
As I listened to No Flaws list the various things that he couldn’t live with if he were dating that person, it was the last few words of his rant that confirmed the kind of person No Flaws really is in a dating relationship.
If I’m dating a woman who [insert what No Flaws deems offensive] , I’ll fuck her, but that’s as far as it goes. There won’t be a future beyond that, even if we’d talked about a future together.
His attitude didn’t surprise me. I’ve known him for years, and we’d dated on 3 different occasions. So, I wasn’t offended, especially since the things he said bothered him weren’t things I had said or done while we were dating. What I did learn about No Flaws after all these years was something I’d suspected already: He’s a double standard in word and deed. He has a serious character flaw. Or two.
Character, as defined by Oxford Dictionaries, is “the mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual.” Given enough time and opportunity, and sometimes distance, people reveal their character to you. If you’re lucky. This understanding, revelation, aha! moment, or whatever you want to call it, is akin to freedom.
We all have flaws. Some flaws are superficial and can be corrected, while other flaws reveal a mental and moral deficiency. Some people are willing to work at fixing their flaws; consider giving them a chance to do so. Other people won’t change; ending the relationship might be the right thing to do. It’s your call.
In either scenario, be a person of good character, honesty, and integrity. If you’re a No Flaws, do the right thing for the one you’re dating. If you’re dating a No Flaws type, you may have a decision to make.
Before I end this post, I want to address the topic of abuse. Emotional, verbal, and physical abuse are more than just flaws. These forms of abuse can result in years of therapy or worse, death. Please contact your local authorities or someone who can help if you are or someone you know is being abused. Stay safe.
As for No Flaws? Friends only, and I’m not setting him up with any women I know. Girl code; y’all are safe.
Reneé has been happily divorced since 2000 and is devoted to making the most of the divorced life, even though it took FOUR rewrites to get this post right. Blogging is hard!
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